I do kind of miss the pills....

It was a year ago wasn't it, all the fear, the anger feelings inadequacy. It all worked out didn't it though? In the end it changed who I am and how I view life, relationships, family, and friends, not all the change has been great; it was like laying down new tracks and now I see that some are crooked, I'll have to go back and make some adjustments.
It was my intention to be reborn and renewed, I owe it to Jubi, my family and my beloved friends.

Just don't get it

The rain is back for good, or till mid spring......
It's a bad time, the dark cold, wet and lonely world that keeps up locked away, held captive in our selves....
If you have someone to cozy up with cheers to you, otherwise....

I found it!

The key to the ten thousand locks that have held me for so long now, and at last I can begin to do the tedious task of unlocking them all.....

Blindfolded in a dark room...

Did I mention gagged?
Not allowed to ask...
Led wherever you feel, at your whim.

Ummm....

With all that we've already been though with this, tell me this is not some sick game?
She's not going to say something devastating right?

Then you can tell me goodbye...

What's worse you being so close, but not having you, or you being so far out of reach and never setting eyes on you again?
This I will ponder....
So I must lose you twice?

Doing it all over again....can we make it right?

What is all this to you, I wonder?
Are you happy, do I make you happy again?
Why now?
Are you just having fun?

Walk away

Don't look back, try not to remember, wake up when you have those dreams....no hope of returning...walk away.

"Ride faster"

Last night was like returning to the past, like being 19 again back in the town I spent all of my teens....
My good friend decided it would be good for me to get out and go to a show, (I think it was a good idea too) do some drinking and ride around town on the back of his motorcycle. We met a group of friends at the show, we drank a lot, I got in a fight in the pit, he had to drag me out it was great! Back to the bikes, on to more dive bars for more drinking, and some grubbing.
To the bikes again and this time to the freeway to ride fast and forget that my heart is in taters, and my love is in vain....... just ride faster help me to let go.

Rag doll

I let it it happen yesterday morning, even though by this one act he will think even less of me.
I can still hear him saying to me over and over again..."I love you, I love you, I love you so much" He was drunk, but to hear him say those words.... I crumbled before him, nothing but a rag doll.

Hearing the calling to do it again tonight, but must drink more...walk longer

Last night I got out after a 7 month hiatus, yes it's true I'm lost once again.
From Florentia through Fremont to the BG trail, up and over the Ballard bridge, take Nickerson to 3rd then home again.
Can I come home again?